Tales of the Subaru - Southbound 2016

Why Tales of the Subaru?

Shortly after we took delivery of our new Subaru Outback, a couple of girls we know from up Newcastle way informed us that we'd bought what they and their Subaru driving friends refer to as a 'dyke truck'.  We then discovered that a couple we know from the lesbian heartland of Leichhardt refer to theirs as a Lesbaru, as do their Lesbaru driving friends.  Oddly enough, the registration plate - DDH-39D - had already been inspiration enough to name the new vehicle DeDe after DeDe Halcyon, recurrent society dyke from Armistead Maupin's iconically gay Tales of the City series.

It is therefore, with no small degree of resignation I declare all future travelblogs written whilst exploring this Wide Brown Land of Australia in DeDe Halcyon shall be styled 'Tales of the Subaru' - with full acknowledgement of Armistead Maupin and Subaru driving lesbians at large.

Let the first tale begin... 

Being, as we are, both too old to drive all the way to Melbourne in a single day and also creatures of habit, we headed south to Wodonga which is home to a fairly decent Thai restaurant that did not disappoint.  Unfortunately our usual accommodation did.  Even the deluxe rooms at the Sanctuary Park Motel are now a little past their best by date and subject to a rather odd farty smell that floats in through the window from time to time.  Never mind though, we scouted a replacement for our next trip south.

Wodonga Tucker Tip #1

The Real Thai Kitchen on High Street calls us back and back to Wodonga.  It never fails to impress and their green papaya salad is second only to the best I have ever tasted at Viet de Lites at Southbank in Brisbane.  This is high praise because I'm a green papaya tragic!

Rutherglen

The skies opened that night which didn't bode particularly well for trolling the Rutherglen wineries next morning yet troll we did.  Rutherglen quite arguably produces some of the world's best fortified wine and excellent Durifs so after four or five tasting stops we had acquired enough gutsy red, aged muscat, white port and 'the wine formally known a tokay' to last us several years.  The latter has been rebranded for reasons of appellation but the various producers don't seem to have settled on a standard name as yet. 

But wine was not the real reason for visiting Rutherglen - it was just a distraction.  My old mate Michael has retired there and a two hour catch up with him is worth bottling, much like the local drop.  Michael has a lot in common with my 'glass half full' cousin Des.  Between them they've lost three legs and added together their collective bypass tally is in double figures.  Des and Michael are the most positive people I know and it just can't be a bad thing to have folk like that in your life!

Melbourne

Next stop was Uncle Russell who isn't really our uncle but everyone has someone like him in their lives - someone a bit eccentric but very kind and rather lovable.  Uncle is an exceptionally soft touch when it comes to animals so is currently the long-term career of his great-niece Tess the Cairn Terrier whose mother most likely had an amorous liaison with a wombat. 

Uncle Russell, Tess & Peter

This was also a chance to catch up with Sara, our young friend who fled the chill of Toronto several years ago to teach in Melbourne.  Toronto winters must be seriously cold to be so keen to move to Melbourne but good on Sara, she's made it work. 

Sara & Peter

Melbourne hasn't had any decent precipitation for months so our gift to the State of Victoria was two days of soaking rain which culminated in a massive downpour.  Drains that were blocked with fallen autumn leaves suddenly reversed their flow and geysers sprung up in the middle of roads all around town.  It was quite the watery wonderland for a time there.

The wet weather did quite literally put a dampener our plans to visit Melbourne's wonderful parks and gardens but I just took off my sandals and paddled around regardless.  I was the only person in all of Melbourne wearing shorts and, in a city where people wear 50 shades of black, my Hawaiian shirts had me marked as a probable escapee from some kind of care situation.  I do not understand drab and I'm certainly not prepared to give it succor!

Just when I begin to despair that the only color in Melbourne might be the autumn leaves I found myself on a tram sitting near an elderly gentleman of Anglo-Celtic appearance who was reading a copy of Aristophanes Birds in Classical Greek with annotations made in the same.  Aristophanes Frogs is one of my favorite pieces of writing so I couldn't help but strike up a conversation.  These plays were written in rhyming couplets and I have always wondered just how much license was taken with the translations and the answer is quite a lot.  The vibe comes through though and if you are a fan of The Castle you'll understand what I mean by that.

I rounded off our visit to Melbourne - which I like to call Melbos because it's the world's second largest Greek city - by falling down some stairs.  I twisted my foot and jarred my head in such a way that I put my already misaligned jaw a little further out of whack causing some rather deep root pain on both the upper and lower left side.  We should all take time to count our blessings though.  It was my left foot so I could still drive and the ibuprofen that took the edge off my jaw did the same for my foot.

Melbourne Tucker Tip #1

Gopals on Swanson between Collins and Bourke is a must for vegetarian and vegan food with an Indian flavor.  We went back a second time just for their vegan kofta.  No sheep died for this treat!

Melbourne Tucker Tip #2

The Malaysian Mamak Kitchen in Strathmore is a bit on the suburban side but worth seeking out, especially if you find yourself up towards the airport.  I'm a huge fan of Malay food and this place good!  It's not flashy but the staff are delightful and the food is great.  Servings are generous and it won't break the budget.  Go for lunch or dinner but not on Mondays.

Melbourne Tucker Tip #3

Thanh Ha 2 in Victoria Street, Richmond.  We've been coming here for years. The food is excellent but we chose the messiest possible dishes this time around.  If you plan to eat here I suggest you wear plaid - dark greens and dark blues would be best - or perhaps plastic.  I'm neither proud nor easily embarrassed so I'd go naked if that were possible then tip them to hose me off out the back afterwards. Their Vietnamese pancakes are not to be missed!

Canberra

Peter & Anne looking very windswept at the National Aboretum

We've been looking forward to spending time with our good friend Anne in Canberra for a few months now but Subaru delivery delays and the like eventually saw Canberra and Melbourne roll together which was fine.  We were a little late for the Tom Roberts exhibition at the National Gallery of Australia although we were adequately compensated with a magnificent offering from Fiona Hall.  It was a recreation of her recent exhibition from the Venice Biennale and featured some extraordinary pieces not the least of which was a collection of birds' nests woven from finely shredded US currency.  Her sardine cans speak for themselves. 

Just when it felt like too much kulcha could never be enough we popped across to the National Portrait Gallery to view their annual photographic portrait prize and were treated to a wonderful choral performance by a vocal ensemble.  Sunset by the lake amongst the deep maroon autumn foliage of the ornamental cherry trees rounded off the daylight hours perfectly.

Canberra Tucker Tip #1

More marvelous Malay food!  The evening saw Anne, Peter and I share a meal at my all-time favorite restaurant, Timmy's in Manuka.  The venue is a little cramped but I would stand just to eat their Shan Tung chicken.  A word of warning though, there is an associated establishment called Sammy's in Civic. The menu there is identical but the restaurant is infested with 20-somethings having deep and meaningful relationships with their communication devices.  Sammy's should be avoided at all cost.  Better to eat at McDonald's!

A particular joy came my way when approached by a Liberal Party electioneer on a suburban Canberra shopping strip.  For those of you who aren't Australian, the Liberal Party is only liberal in the the sense that it ensues tax-free income for the wealthy and mining subsidies for the same.  It espouses free-market liberalism, not social liberalism.

So there he was and there I was when the words just tumbled out of my mouth as if I were speaking in tongues and perhaps I was.  "I'm a self-funded retiree" I said.  "I pay tax and I'm in a committed same-sex relationship.  What can the Liberal Party possibly do for me?"

Of course that's the unanswerable question and unanswered it went!

Before we left town we decided to give the National Museum of Australia one last chance and I have to tell you the place is a little bit shit, really.  This was our third visit since it opened and special exhibitions and an excellent gift shop aside, it's a massively disjointed disappointment.  The interior is highly reminiscent of a badly lit Ikea store with far less interesting contents whilst the exterior looks like some gigantic alien bird swooped down over the beautiful Acton Peninsula and took a massive dump. 

The Massive Alien Dump

Homeward Bound

At this point I must take time out to sing the praises of DeDe the Subaru, Thelma the Sat Nav and Thing the multi-functional warning device that constantly saves us from ourselves - thank you Thing.  I have never ever made such a fine automotive choice, in fact, rarely have I made as good a choice about anything.  I've found the Subaru Outback to be a completely flawless vehicle.  It looks good, it feels good and it drives superbly.  It will even pretty much drive itself if you allow it.  The forward cameras automatically adjust your speed to maintain appropriate distances whist in cruise control and Thing goes off its tits if you drift out of your lane or attempt to change lanes when another vehicle is in your blind spot.

Fuel economy is great for a car with so much space - at least a full third up on Ali the Nissan Pathfinder.  There is stacks of both head and legs space and luggage is no problem either.  I could have easily passed on the heated seats and sunroof but, whilst the former is still to demonstrate worth in temperate Sydney, we've found the transparent part of the sunroof to be quite the pleasure on a rainy day or a moonlit night.  In short, I'm lovin' myself sick!

And I'm lovin' our new house.  As nice a time as we had it was a delight to come home to our house and garden and all who live therein: Kevin the recalcitrant cat; Baby Blue the invalid lizard; our feathery Significant Women; two sleepy turtles; and our multitude of fish, tadpoles and frogs.  And then there's Jan and Tony and our lovely neighbors Sal and Alej and their kids who took care of them all while we were away.  We are indeed counting our blessings.

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