Why Tales of the Subaru?
Shortly after we took delivery of our new Subaru
Outback, a couple of girls we know from up Newcastle way informed us that we'd
bought what they and their Subaru driving friends refer to as a 'dyke
truck'. We then discovered that a couple
we know from the lesbian heartland of Leichhardt refer to theirs as a Lesbaru,
as do their Lesbaru driving friends.
Oddly enough, the registration plate - DDH-39D - had already been
inspiration enough to name the new vehicle DeDe after DeDe Halcyon, recurrent
society dyke from Armistead Maupin's iconically gay Tales of the City series.
It is therefore, with no small degree of
resignation I declare all future travelblogs written whilst exploring
this Wide Brown Land of Australia in DeDe Halcyon shall be styled 'Tales of the
Subaru' - with full acknowledgement of Armistead Maupin and Subaru driving
lesbians at large.
Let the first tale begin...
Being, as we are, both too old to drive all the way to Melbourne in a single day and also creatures of habit, we headed south to Wodonga which is home to a fairly decent Thai restaurant that did not disappoint. Unfortunately our usual accommodation did. Even the deluxe rooms at the Sanctuary Park Motel are now a little past their best by date and subject to a rather odd farty smell that floats in through the window from time to time. Never mind though, we scouted a replacement for our next trip south.
Wodonga Tucker Tip #1
The Real Thai Kitchen on High Street calls us
back and back to Wodonga. It never fails
to impress and their green papaya salad is second only to the best I have ever
tasted at Viet de Lites at Southbank in Brisbane. This is high praise because I'm a
green papaya tragic!
Rutherglen
The skies opened that night which didn't bode
particularly well for trolling the Rutherglen wineries next morning yet troll
we did. Rutherglen quite arguably
produces some of the world's best fortified wine and excellent Durifs so after
four or five tasting stops we had acquired enough gutsy red, aged muscat, white
port and 'the wine formally known a tokay' to last us several years. The latter has been rebranded for reasons of
appellation but the various producers don't seem to have settled on a standard
name as yet.
But wine was not the real reason for visiting
Rutherglen - it was just a distraction.
My old mate Michael has retired there and a two hour catch up with him
is worth bottling, much like the local drop.
Michael has a lot in common with my 'glass half full' cousin Des. Between them they've lost three legs and
added together their collective bypass tally is in double figures. Des and Michael are the most positive people
I know and it just can't be a bad thing to have folk like that in your life!
Melbourne
Next stop was Uncle Russell who isn't really our
uncle but everyone has someone like him in their lives - someone a bit
eccentric but very kind and rather lovable.
Uncle is an exceptionally soft touch when it comes to animals so
is currently the long-term career of his great-niece Tess the Cairn Terrier
whose mother most likely had an amorous liaison with a wombat.
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| Uncle Russell, Tess & Peter |
This was also a chance to catch up with Sara, our young friend who fled the chill of Toronto several years ago to teach in Melbourne. Toronto winters must be seriously cold to be so keen to move to Melbourne but good on Sara, she's made it work.
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| Sara & Peter |
Melbourne hasn't had any decent precipitation for months so our gift to the State of Victoria was two days of soaking rain which culminated in a massive downpour. Drains that were blocked with fallen autumn leaves suddenly reversed their flow and geysers sprung up in the middle of roads all around town. It was quite the watery wonderland for a time there.
The wet weather did quite literally put a
dampener our plans to visit Melbourne's wonderful parks and gardens but I just
took off my sandals and paddled around regardless. I was the only person in all of Melbourne
wearing shorts and, in a city where people wear 50 shades of black, my Hawaiian
shirts had me marked as a probable escapee from some kind of care
situation. I do not understand drab and
I'm certainly not prepared to give it succor!
Just when I begin to despair that the only
color in Melbourne might be the autumn leaves I found myself on a tram sitting
near an elderly gentleman of Anglo-Celtic appearance who was reading a copy
of Aristophanes Birds in Classical Greek with annotations made in the
same. Aristophanes Frogs is one of my favorite pieces of writing so I couldn't help but strike up a
conversation. These plays were written
in rhyming couplets and I have always wondered just how much license was
taken with the translations and the answer is quite a lot. The vibe comes through though and if you are
a fan of The Castle you'll understand what I mean by that.
I rounded off our visit to Melbourne - which I
like to call Melbos because it's the world's second largest Greek city - by
falling down some stairs. I twisted my
foot and jarred my head in such a way that I put my already misaligned jaw a
little further out of whack causing some rather deep root pain on both the
upper and lower left side. We should all
take time to count our blessings though.
It was my left foot so I could still drive and the ibuprofen that took
the edge off my jaw did the same for my foot.
Melbourne Tucker Tip #1
Gopals on Swanson between Collins and Bourke
is a must for vegetarian and vegan food with an Indian flavor. We went back a second time just for their
vegan kofta. No sheep died for this
treat!
Melbourne Tucker Tip #2
The Malaysian Mamak Kitchen in Strathmore is
a bit on the suburban side but worth seeking out, especially if you find
yourself up towards the airport. I'm a
huge fan of Malay food and this place good!
It's not flashy but the staff are delightful and the food is great. Servings are generous and it won't break the
budget. Go for lunch or dinner but not
on Mondays.
Melbourne Tucker Tip #3
Thanh Ha 2 in Victoria Street, Richmond. We've been coming here for years. The food is
excellent but we chose the messiest possible dishes this time around. If you plan to eat here I suggest you wear
plaid - dark greens and dark blues would be best - or perhaps plastic. I'm neither proud nor easily embarrassed so
I'd go naked if that were possible then tip them to hose me off out the back
afterwards. Their Vietnamese pancakes are not to be missed!
Canberra
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| Peter & Anne looking very windswept at the National Aboretum |
We've been looking forward to spending time with our good friend Anne in Canberra for a few months now but Subaru delivery delays and the like eventually saw Canberra and Melbourne roll together which was fine. We were a little late for the Tom Roberts exhibition at the National Gallery of Australia although we were adequately compensated with a magnificent offering from Fiona Hall. It was a recreation of her recent exhibition from the Venice Biennale and featured some extraordinary pieces not the least of which was a collection of birds' nests woven from finely shredded US currency. Her sardine cans speak for themselves.
Just when it felt like too much kulcha could
never be enough we popped across to the National Portrait Gallery to view their
annual photographic portrait prize and were treated to a wonderful choral
performance by a vocal ensemble. Sunset
by the lake amongst the deep maroon autumn foliage of the ornamental cherry
trees rounded off the daylight hours perfectly.
Canberra Tucker Tip #1
More marvelous Malay food! The evening saw Anne, Peter and I share a
meal at my all-time favorite restaurant, Timmy's in Manuka. The venue is a little cramped but I would
stand just to eat their Shan Tung chicken.
A word of warning though, there is an associated establishment called
Sammy's in Civic. The menu there is identical but the restaurant is infested
with 20-somethings having deep and meaningful relationships with their
communication devices. Sammy's should be
avoided at all cost. Better to eat at
McDonald's!
A particular joy came my way when approached by
a Liberal Party electioneer on a suburban Canberra shopping strip. For those of you who aren't Australian, the
Liberal Party is only liberal in the the sense that it ensues tax-free income
for the wealthy and mining subsidies for the same. It espouses free-market liberalism, not
social liberalism.
So there he was and there I was when the words
just tumbled out of my mouth as if I were speaking in tongues and perhaps I
was. "I'm a self-funded
retiree" I said. "I pay tax
and I'm in a committed same-sex relationship.
What can the Liberal Party possibly do for me?"
Of course that's the unanswerable question and
unanswered it went!
Before we left town we decided to give the
National Museum of Australia one last chance and I have to tell you the place
is a little bit shit, really. This was
our third visit since it opened and special exhibitions and an excellent gift
shop aside, it's a massively disjointed disappointment. The interior is highly reminiscent of a badly
lit Ikea store with far less interesting contents whilst the exterior looks
like some gigantic alien bird swooped down over the beautiful Acton Peninsula
and took a massive dump.
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| The Massive Alien Dump |
Homeward Bound
At this point I must take time out to sing the
praises of DeDe the Subaru, Thelma the Sat Nav and Thing the multi-functional
warning device that constantly saves us from ourselves - thank you Thing. I have never ever made such a fine automotive
choice, in fact, rarely have I made as good a choice about anything. I've found the Subaru Outback to be a
completely flawless vehicle. It looks
good, it feels good and it drives superbly.
It will even pretty much drive itself if you allow it. The forward cameras automatically adjust your
speed to maintain appropriate distances whist in cruise control and Thing goes
off its tits if you drift out of your lane or attempt to change lanes when
another vehicle is in your blind spot.
Fuel economy is great for a car with so much
space - at least a full third up on Ali the Nissan Pathfinder. There is stacks of both head and legs space
and luggage is no problem either. I
could have easily passed on the heated seats and sunroof but, whilst the former
is still to demonstrate worth in temperate Sydney, we've found the transparent
part of the sunroof to be quite the pleasure on a rainy day or a moonlit
night. In short, I'm lovin' myself sick!
And I'm lovin' our new house. As nice a time as we had it was a
delight to come home to our house and garden and all who live therein: Kevin
the recalcitrant cat; Baby Blue the invalid lizard; our feathery Significant
Women; two sleepy turtles; and our multitude of fish, tadpoles and frogs. And then there's Jan and Tony and our lovely
neighbors Sal and Alej and their kids who took care of them all while we were
away. We are indeed counting our
blessings.
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| Click Gaytimes to see the slideshow |
