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| There's a damned fine wipe in Cate & Brian's guest bathroom. |
We usually head south twice a year to visit my old uni mate Cate and her
partner Brian who've had the extreme good sense to retire to beautiful Batemans
Bay about four hours south of Sydney. On the way down we visit Peter’s
oldest mate John at Shellharbour then stay over in Kiama and have dinner at our
favourite restaurant in the whole world - Hanoi on Manning. Retirement is
just one wild and crazy blur!
John
lives in a care facility just behind Shellharbour Square so he fanged it across
to lunch in his bright red mobility scooter while Peter and I did our very best
to keep up. Now getting there was a bit of an endurance event but once
settled at Jamaica Blue I started feeling really good about myself because I'm
quite slim in comparison to the locals - in fact, I'm positively svelte!
We
were seated beside the inclined moving footway that takes the mega-fauna from
the ground level to the first floor and after the first few tonnes glided by I
began to see them as an endless stream of overfed cattle being calmly
transported away for slaughter. But don't get me wrong here, I love to
see these behemoths out and about spending money on consumables
because we have 10,000 shares in Stockland which is the company that owns the
mall.
Fats
with tatts aside, the very best thing about visiting Shellharbour Square is the
ease with which I can buy clothes. In recent years I've been known to
sneak off to the Fat Bastards section of Myer, Target or Kmart but not at
Shellharbour where everything below 5XL is on the regular racks - sometimes
even 7XL in Lowes! In no time at all I was kitted out with a couple of
pairs of shorts that were a perfect fit and I was happy as a pig in shit!
I
am sorry to report that our night at the amusingly named Kiama Cove Boutique
Motel will be our last. This popular 1960s classic has succumbed to
developers’ greed. It closes in April and then the wreckers move
in. This time next year it will be yet another block of ocean view
apartments as Kiama transitions into an outer suburb of Sydney. It's at
the southern extremity of the electrified rail line, just a short two hour
commute to the CBD and being at the end of the line there's a good chance of
getting a seat.
The
worst of that is the motel is in Bong Bong Street, just a three minute walk
from Hanoi on Manning which is the best Vietnamese restaurant I've been to
since the Bay Tinh in Marrickville was bought out by a spoiler who updated the
decor and the menu prices then downsized the serves.
Kiama Tucker Tip #1
Hanoi
on Manning - of course! Their green papaya salad, either chicken and
prawns or mushrooms and tofu, is not to be missed under any
circumstances. I'm a green papaya tragic and theirs is second only to
Viet de Lites at Southbank in Brisbane and a very close second at that!
Dinner
was a treat, just as anticipated, so fully sated I suggested we walk back the
long way via the scenic coastal track which was a bit silly because it was a
pitch black and cloudy moonless night and I hadn't thought to take my
stick. I did, however, have a packet of ibuprofen in my pocket which was
a welcome relief as we struggled to stay on the path in the dark and not topple
off the cliff into the equally dark Tasman Sea below.
I
don't have a bladder that's worthy of boasting about so the two hours on to
Ulladulla next morning was my limit and that would normally be fine because if
a public toilet exists I'll sniff it out. I've even found them in New
York and London but Ulla-bloody-dulla was a real challenge!
And
so are the drivers! In Sydney we have to deal with DWAs (Driving While
Asian) but in the South Coast retirement communities it's DWEs (Driving While
Elderly) and the complication factor seems to increase exponentially.
There are some really shit dangerous drivers down there and PWEs (Parking While
Elderly) as well. I believe the below photograph from Clyde Street
opposite the Batemans Bay shops adequately demonstrates that!
Time
spent catching up with Cate and Brian is always special and Cate and I have 40
years of shared history so we never run out of things to talk about,
particularly now that people are dropping of the twig. Then there's their
magnificent bay and ocean view which will get your chakra back into alignment
in no time at all. Add a swim to the mix and you're in nirvana even if
there was enough loose weed floating about in the bay to make a week’s worth of
norimaki for everyone in Japan. Not so at an ocean beach next day though,
it was perfect!
Batemans Bay Tucker Tip #1
If
it's F&Cs you're after then head to the Innes Boatshed just past the public
loos on Clyde Street which is itself just past where the PWEs do their
stuff. In fact, most of the PWEs will probably be having F&Cs at the
Innes Boatshead when you get there.
You
may have to queue to order and some woman with three kids and a nanna in tow is
sure to be in front of you still making up her mind and begging her brats to do
the same but it's worth it. Of course that can be avoided if you get in
quick and go grab a table while your companion stands in line.
Now
a word about the aforementioned nanna and PWEs…
They
are organised. They know exactly what they want and will either have
their money clutched tightly in their hand or tied in a corner of their
hanky. You don't need to worry about them unless they're driving.
Batemans Bay Tucker Tip #2
The
Mossy Point Cafe is a glorious step back in time - I felt at home from the
moment we drove straight into a shady parking spot directly across the
street. Much of what they have on offer is locally sourced produce and if
you're an iGen don’t worry too much about the über rustic appearance of the
place, they serve smashed avocado and there's more pulled pork than a Christian
Brothers boarding school during the 1960s.
Two
nights at the bay always feels like four, five if you manage a couple of
swims. We were a bit sorry to be pointing DeDe northwards but there's
always next time and I did manage to pick up an excellent deco style green
Depression Glass bowl when we stopped for lunch at Milton on the way
home. Besides, we had the guilts about missing Kevin’s 18th birthday but
made it up to him a few days later. Tiger prawns always do the trick!
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| Kev enjoying his 18th birthday prawn salad. |
