Tales of the Subaru - Eurobodalla Bound

There's a damned fine wipe in Cate & Brian's guest bathroom.

We usually head south twice a year to visit my old uni mate Cate and her partner Brian who've had the extreme good sense to retire to beautiful Batemans Bay about four hours south of Sydney.  On the way down we visit Peter’s oldest mate John at Shellharbour then stay over in Kiama and have dinner at our favourite restaurant in the whole world - Hanoi on Manning.  Retirement is just one wild and crazy blur!  

John lives in a care facility just behind Shellharbour Square so he fanged it across to lunch in his bright red mobility scooter while Peter and I did our very best to keep up.  Now getting there was a bit of an endurance event but once settled at Jamaica Blue I started feeling really good about myself because I'm quite slim in comparison to the locals - in fact, I'm positively svelte!

We were seated beside the inclined moving footway that takes the mega-fauna from the ground level to the first floor and after the first few tonnes glided by I began to see them as an endless stream of overfed cattle being calmly transported away for slaughter.  But don't get me wrong here, I love to see these behemoths out and about spending money on consumables because we have 10,000 shares in Stockland which is the company that owns the mall.

Fats with tatts aside, the very best thing about visiting Shellharbour Square is the ease with which I can buy clothes.  In recent years I've been known to sneak off to the Fat Bastards section of Myer, Target or Kmart but not at Shellharbour where everything below 5XL is on the regular racks - sometimes even 7XL in Lowes!  In no time at all I was kitted out with a couple of pairs of shorts that were a perfect fit and I was happy as a pig in shit!

I am sorry to report that our night at the amusingly named Kiama Cove Boutique Motel will be our last.  This popular 1960s classic has succumbed to developers’ greed.  It closes in April and then the wreckers move in.  This time next year it will be yet another block of ocean view apartments as Kiama transitions into an outer suburb of Sydney.  It's at the southern extremity of the electrified rail line, just a short two hour commute to the CBD and being at the end of the line there's a good chance of getting a seat.

The worst of that is the motel is in Bong Bong Street, just a three minute walk from Hanoi on Manning which is the best Vietnamese restaurant I've been to since the Bay Tinh in Marrickville was bought out by a spoiler who updated the decor and the menu prices then downsized the serves.

Kiama Tucker Tip #1

Hanoi on Manning - of course!  Their green papaya salad, either chicken and prawns or mushrooms and tofu, is not to be missed under any circumstances.  I'm a green papaya tragic and theirs is second only to Viet de Lites at Southbank in Brisbane and a very close second at that!

Dinner was a treat, just as anticipated, so fully sated I suggested we walk back the long way via the scenic coastal track which was a bit silly because it was a pitch black and cloudy moonless night and I hadn't thought to take my stick.  I did, however, have a packet of ibuprofen in my pocket which was a welcome relief as we struggled to stay on the path in the dark and not topple off the cliff into the equally dark Tasman Sea below.

I don't have a bladder that's worthy of boasting about so the two hours on to Ulladulla next morning was my limit and that would normally be fine because if a public toilet exists I'll sniff it out.  I've even found them in New York and London but Ulla-bloody-dulla was a real challenge!  

And so are the drivers!  In Sydney we have to deal with DWAs (Driving While Asian) but in the South Coast retirement communities it's DWEs (Driving While Elderly) and the complication factor seems to increase exponentially.  There are some really shit dangerous drivers down there and PWEs (Parking While Elderly) as well.  I believe the below photograph from Clyde Street opposite the Batemans Bay shops adequately demonstrates that!

Time spent catching up with Cate and Brian is always special and Cate and I have 40 years of shared history so we never run out of things to talk about, particularly now that people are dropping of the twig.  Then there's their magnificent bay and ocean view which will get your chakra back into alignment in no time at all.  Add a swim to the mix and you're in nirvana even if there was enough loose weed floating about in the bay to make a week’s worth of norimaki for everyone in Japan.  Not so at an ocean beach next day though, it was perfect!

Batemans Bay Tucker Tip #1

If it's F&Cs you're after then head to the Innes Boatshed just past the public loos on Clyde Street which is itself just past where the PWEs do their stuff.  In fact, most of the PWEs will probably be having F&Cs at the Innes Boatshead when you get there.  

You may have to queue to order and some woman with three kids and a nanna in tow is sure to be in front of you still making up her mind and begging her brats to do the same but it's worth it.  Of course that can be avoided if you get in quick and go grab a table while your companion stands in line.

Now a word about the aforementioned nanna and PWEs…

They are organised.  They know exactly what they want and will either have their money clutched tightly in their hand or tied in a corner of their hanky.  You don't need to worry about them unless they're driving.

Batemans Bay Tucker Tip #2

The Mossy Point Cafe is a glorious step back in time - I felt at home from the moment we drove straight into a shady parking spot directly across the street.  Much of what they have on offer is locally sourced produce and if you're an iGen don’t worry too much about the über rustic appearance of the place, they serve smashed avocado and there's more pulled pork than a Christian Brothers boarding school during the 1960s.

Two nights at the bay always feels like four, five if you manage a couple of swims.  We were a bit sorry to be pointing DeDe northwards but there's always next time and I did manage to pick up an excellent deco style green Depression Glass bowl when we stopped for lunch at Milton on the way home.  Besides, we had the guilts about missing Kevin’s 18th birthday but made it up to him a few days later.  Tiger prawns always do the trick!

Kev enjoying his 18th birthday prawn salad.